Jos76’s Blog

Thoughts and musings on life in a gay marriage.

Blue and Red Make Green

Posted by jos76 on February 27, 2008

I have had a good friend for about three years who is a Republican. We worked together for two years and she is really the only person from my old job with whom I have stayed in regular contact since I began my new job about six months ago. We get along really well and we both have very similar senses of humor. This has been great. I love having a friend that totally gets my sense of humor.

It’s an election year and Massachusetts held it’s primaries on Super Tuesday along many other states. Dac and I both voted Democrat. We actually believe in many of the Republican fundamentals (like limited government, low taxes, and individual responsibility), but our relationship and certainly our marriage is not supported or respected by the Republican party. We vote Democrat because on a social level, we want to eventually have access to the over 1,000 rights that are granted only to straight married couples. The Republicans would never go for this.


Back to my friend and former co-worker. We had dinner the other night and, as usual, we had a great time. We laughed, we joked, we talked about everything from financial advisers to job interviews. At the very end of the evening, as I was driving her home, I asked, “So who did you vote for?” She told me Romney. I’m never quite sure what to do with this sort of information. She is clearly supportive of me personally, but she votes for candidates that are completely opposed to allowing me and Dac access to the tax dollars that we pay to the government (in the form of marriage credits and Social Security). When I think about it, I guess that there are people who vote for Republicans for their own personal reasons, but may differ on social issues. I can only hope that she would in fact vote to legalize gay marriage if given the opportunity, even is she votes Republican in Presidential elections.

When I tell my gay friends and colleagues that I have Republican friends, they are shocked. I wonder if Republicans get the same reaction when they tell their fellow-Republicans that they have gay friends.


13 Responses to “Blue and Red Make Green”

  1. thehostess said

    Hey Jos…all my friends are Democrats(I think…)…my family is mostly Republicans so we respectfully don’t talk politics. It’s so hard to think that a large part of my family will vote for a president that believes that my 12 year relationship with the same woman doesn’t count. I know that they vote for the same reasons your friend does, but it hurts. I like the idea that you hope your friend will vote to legalize gay marriage even voting as a Republican…I applaud your inclusion of friends from all walks of life. It is noble to realize that everyone has something to give.
    Thanks for the post.
    The Outskirt Hostess

  2. silver18 said

    They very well might. I have friends on both sides of the spectrum, and we are able to talk politics friendlily enough. They are friends from before I came out, so they accept me because they know me. For some of them, I’m the only gay person that they are friends with. I regularly challenge stereotypes, because I’m not what you would call stereotypically gay. I just happen to like men. Some of them had their minds changed, but none of them have changed their minds about politics.

    My philosophy about politics is the same as religion: You are welcome to believe how you believe, that is your right, just don’t try to convert me, and don’t harass me because I believe differently. It has worked so far.

    Your statements are interesting though, especially the one about hoping that she will vote to legalize gay marriage if it came to it. Why does she vote Republican? Some people do genuinely vote for their economics, and turn a blind eye to their social ineptitude.

    Good for you for reaching across party lines. Friendship isn’t based on political affiliation, any more than it is based on sexual orientation.


  3. Jesse said

    marriage should not be a state issue. and many tax dollars should not go to DC.

    do you know the history of marriage licenses in the first place?
    the state will tax anything and everything, it’s ridiculous.

  4. Jared said

    I wonder how many gay people would vote Republican if the party would just grant them equal rights.

  5. Jesse said

    lol. what do you mean?
    where do you think rights come from?
    and what is your idea of equal?

  6. Jared said

    Sorry I realize that post probably didn’t make a lot of sense. I mean I wonder how many gay men would otherwise vote Republican if the party wasn’t actively engaged in denying them any sort of equal rights, i.e. marriage.

  7. Jesse said

    thanx for getting back.

    i hear what you are saying, but why should the state have the authority over something like marriage anyway?

  8. Jared said

    Who should have authority over marriage?

  9. jos76 said

    It’s fine if we leave it to the states, but there needs to be federal recognition of what the states grant. If there is no federal recognition, what is the point?

  10. Jesse said

    @ jared
    good question. isn’t it a personal thing?

    thought id give you a little history in case you were unaware. did a search, this link was first on the page

    “It is interesting to note the current definition of “marriage license” in Black’s Law Dictionary, 6th Ed [1991] (which is the one used in a Family Law court):

    Marriage license – A license or permission granted by public authority to persons who intend to intermarry… By statute in most jurisdictions, it is made an essential prerequisite to lawful solemnization of the marriage.”
    So far, so good; a license is required for persons who desire to “intermarry”. Fine; but what exactly does “intermarry” mean?

    Black’s Law Dictionary (6th Ed):

    Intermarry – See Miscegenation.
    Black’s Law Dictionary (6th Ed):

    Miscegenation – Mixture of races. Term formerly applied to marriage between persons of a different race. [Now called “intermarry”.] Statutes prohibiting marriage between persons of different races have been held to be invalid as contrary to equal protection clause of the Constitution.”

  11. Jared said

    You want to leave marriage to the states? Local administration? I know Utah, for one, would never go for that.

  12. Jared said

    Jesse – the question was simply a lead to my response. Marriage is federally-sanctioned, but homosexual marriage is not. You can’t leave this issue up to the states – it will be voted down time and time again. I don’t advocate a large federal government, but without one blacks and women may still be disenfranchised, as homosexuals are now.

  13. Jesse said

    i didn’t say leave it to the states.

    i’m questioning on what grounds does the state have to interfere in marriage anyway?
    it’s totally a private issue. if i love someone, then it’s my business and no one else’s.

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