Jos76’s Blog

Thoughts and musings on life in a gay marriage.

Archive for the ‘Fun’ Category

We were moonstruck

Posted by jos76 on March 8, 2008

Meeting someone for the first time is sometimes difficult. Sometimes it’s easy. Back in November of 2000, after many emails and phone conversations that went on for hours (sometimes all night and had to end so we could go to work), Dac and I decided to meet for the first time. We had been talking for about two weeks and essentially knew everything there was to know about each other. We were not close by. Dac lived in Boston and I lived about one and a half hours away. Just the same, we talked a lot and agreed that we would meet up for the first time. The plan was for me to go into the city. I liked to do that, given that I lived on Cape Cod and it was November…the off-season.

We agreed to meet outside of a “T” (subway) station on Mass Ave (that’s local talk for Massachusetts Avenue). We had seen pictures of each other so we sort of know who we were looking for, but just to be safe we pulled out our gay genes (and jeans) and said, “I’ll be wearing a….” I drove into Boston, found a parking spot (I still don’t understand how!) and went to the Hynes Convention Center “T” station. Dac was there.

We had dinner at a small Greek restaurant nearby and then went back to Dac’s apartment to watch a movie. It was Moonstruck.

It was and is our favorite movie and we had quoted the entire movie to each other on the phone. When we got to the end of the movie, we both realized that we were experiencing something out-of-the-ordinary. “Will I ever find another guy who likes this movie so much, wants to be in a relationship, and is normal?” We had a brief conversation about whether or not we wanted to “be in a relationship with each other,” decided that we did, and have been together for over seven years since.

Dac will point out that I left out the part about the picture that I sent him. It was from my freshman year in college (I was 18) and we met when I was 24. I looked a little different (I had more hair in college). Honestly, it was the only picture I had.

Jos76

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If you really want to know..

Posted by jos76 on March 1, 2008

I stopped at Dac’s parent’s house last night on my way home from work.  Rock (Dac’s dad) has taken to calling me “blog guy” and always comments on my posts.  He had this to say about my previous post, Blue and Red Make Green:

“If you really want to know how your Republican friends feel about hot political topics, try this.  Get in a car with him/her and drive down the highway at 55 mph. ” 

(There is some planning involved and it requires the willing participation of a fox and at least 2 people-one Republican and one homosexual.  They can’t be the same person, so don’t try to save time and money by using a gay Republican, if you could even find one.  Stay with me..it will make sense.)

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“Once on a three-lane highway, drive down the middle.  Place the standing Republican in the right lane and the gay person in the left lane.  Just as the car approaches them, release a fox into the middle lane and see which way the Republican-friend-driver turns to avoid hitting the fox.”

“Then, once and for all, you will know if your friend is an animal-rights-activist.” (And find out where his/her loyalty stands.)

I don’t actually recommend doing this unless you really need to know if your friend is an animal-rights activist.  You gotta love Rock!

Jos76

Posted in Family, Friends, Fun, Politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

In one ear…

Posted by jos76 on February 23, 2008

Are there any new people living in your building?

ARE THERE ANY NEW PEOPLE LIVING IN YOUR BUILDING?

A-R-E T-H-E-R-E A-N-Y N-E-W P-E-O-P-L-E L-I-V-I-N-G I-N Y-O-U-R B-U-I-L-D-I-N-G ?

Welcome to an evening out with my grandmother. For years she has been saying that she doesn’t need a hearing aid. No matter how many times we tell her that she can’t hear anything that we are saying and she needs to get a hearing aid, she tells us something along the lines of, “I don’t need eyeglasses!”

I love Alice, crazy as she is, but Dac and I began to dread taking her out for lunch or dinner because the entire restaurant would have to be in on our conversations.

DO YOU WANT MASHED POTATOES OR FRENCH FRIES?….MASHED POTATOES OR FRENCH FRIES?…POTATOES OR FRIES?…She’ll have the mashed potatoes.

But this past weekend, during our monthly trek to grandmother’s house, we got a wonderful surprise. There was a little brown machine in her ear…just the right side…baby steps. We only had to say things twice at the most.

Soup or salad?….SOUP OR SALAD?

I won’t keep you guessing any longer. There are three new people in her building, she got the mashed potatoes, and a salad. Exciting stuff, huh?

Jos76

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The Best of Intentions

Posted by jos76 on February 16, 2008

We had just dropped a friend off and were heading for Dac’s parents’ house. It was the first time I was going to meet his parents. We pulled up to their driveway and before we got out, Dac said, “Don’t worry about it. It will be fine.” Though he was out to his parents, he had never introduced them to someone he was dating. I got out of the car and headed up the stairs to the front door. I don’t remember if Dac had a key or if we rang the doorbell, but somehow we ended up on the inside. I shook Dac’s father’s hand (from now on referred to as Rock, per his request). I kissed his mother on the cheek. The hard part was over, or so I thought.

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Rock had not changed out of his corporate garb, so he looked rather formal sitting there in the living room. Dac’s mom was sizing me up a little bit. After all, Dac is the baby of the family and she needed to protect him. As we sat there I waited for one of them to ask, “So what are you intentions with our boy?” But, that sort of question never came. Rather there was another question asking me to join them at their house on Christmas evening, where I would have the chance to meet the rest of the family! I graciously accepted. Dac and I had only known each other for a few weeks and it was getting serious fast, but everything worked out great. 

Dac first met my mother in the parking lot of a Bed Bath and Beyond of all places, where we had happened to meet up while out shopping. He later met the rest of my family when we went out to dinner one night (I think that it was Bugaboo Creek or the Outback.) Dac later met my brother and his wife and their kids when we went to their house for dinner one night

First meetings always give opportunities for good memories. I will never forget sitting in Rock’s living-room contemplating what my intentions were with their son, just in case they asked.

Jos76

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It’s (broke)Back-Breaking Work (Part 2)

Posted by jos76 on February 9, 2008

There are times when you just need to get away, to try something new, to experience something that is out of the ordinary.  Dac is a musician and I’m always amazed at how he can throw himself into a new musical instrument or style of playing.  For him, music is his way of getting away, trying something new, and experiencing something out of the ordinary.

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Dac plays viola, cello, and violin.  He is now trying out the guitar and the ukulele (you know, for a change).  His music is what makes him happy and it gives him something to look forward to.  I know that when he is on the train coming home from work he is day-dreaming about learning a new chord.

Dac’s father and his two brothers (Dac’s, not dad’s) take their yearly trip to North Dakota as their way of getting away, trying something new, and experiencing something different.  We all joke with them about their trip and being real “cowboys” (I was scolded for referring to them as farmhands in the earlier post), but I think that having an opportunity to retreat from your everyday life once in a while is necessary and commendable. 

For some people it might be getting caught up in a good book, for others it might be a sport, and for some people it might involve the inoculation of cattle in several feet of manure ….the point is, taking a retreat from time to time gives us an opportunity to rejuvenate our mind, spirit, and body.  My retreat is writing these posts and I am lucky enough to have people in my life that are interesting and give me something to write about.

Yippie Yi Yo Kayee…or whatever it is that cowboys say these days.

Jos76

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It’s (broke)Back-Breaking Work (Part 1)

Posted by jos76 on February 6, 2008

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If I had to describe the people in my our lives, I would have to say that they are completely diverse. There are the grandmothers, whose combined age is 166 years old (who were both at our wedding by the way), nieces and nephews (8 in total), colleagues (doctors, nurses, teachers, musicians, board directors), and friends (from church, life, and work). We have not chosen these people on purpose, or perhaps on some level we have, but we have confidence in our country and our world when we see that all of these different types of people are not concerned with our (gay) relationship, but rather respect it.

So, did you notice that I left out our immediate families on the list of those who support us? It is not because they don’t support us, it is because Dac and my relationship and marriage are such a non-issue for both of our families. It is not something that we discuss very often, but then again we don’t talk about all of our siblings’ marriages all that often either. Our families only contribute more to the diversity of supporters in our lives.

For example, each year, Dac’s father and his two brothers (Dac’s, not dad’s) go to a ranch in North Dakota where they work with the farmhands to inoculate the cattle and round up the livestock. (Don’t you like how I use the word “inoculate” as if it is a common word that I use all the time?)

It is real back-breaking work… from what I understand. I haven’t been and don’t really have any expectation of going. I have never even seen a “western” movie or Brokeback Mountain… and we can add these guys to our list of supporters.

There are more details involved in the North Dakota trips, but I’ll have to leave you in anticipation for now. If you are truly interested in what goes on there in the meantime, you can put on your cowboy boots and your hat, and watch the DVD with Dac’s dad and brothers, the city-slickers. There is something to be said for these guys having a gay couple in the family.

Jos76

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Costco is no place for kids

Posted by jos76 on January 30, 2008

In case you have been wondering why the blog title is Jos76, it is because I was born in 1976, when Gerald Ford was president (I just had to look that up. Do you know who was president when you born?) and disco was all the rage (that I knew). If you haven’t done the math yet, I’ll save you some time, I’m currently 31 (as of the writing of this post). This means that last year I had to turn 30. I didn’t see it coming. One day I realized that my 30th birthday was coming up in about four months. I decided that I wouldn’t talk about it much in hopes that no one would realize it. But, wouldn’t you know it, Dac and our families were well aware of my up-coming birthday and wouldn’t let it go by unnoticed.

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It came. I turned 30. Nothing changed. I had already seen my brother turn 30. I attended a few 30th birthday parties prior to my initiation. Dac’s brother and his wife both had big parties and yelled their age from the rooftops. I figured that if they could do it, so could I. I was just not going to gather people to make sure that they knew. I was fine reaching the third decade of my life, but if others wanted to be informed they were going to have to figure it out on their own.

Dac is heading toward his initiation into the third-decade-of-your-life club in a few months and he is not yet sure if he wants to celebrate it or mourn it. We both work full-time professional jobs, pay a mortgage, vacation about once a year, contribute to our retirement funds, and stock-up at Costco. I’m not sure what wild and crazy 20-something lifestyle Dac is trying to hold on to, but I say that we pull him over the line with dignity and grace, whether he wants to come or not.

Jos76

Posted in Family, Friends, Fun, The Past, What's Ahead | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Who’s Pat? Do I know her?

Posted by jos76 on January 23, 2008

A new sandwich shop recently opened up in my neighborhood. We moved into this neighborhood about three years ago and it is in a “rebuilding” phase. That is why we like to contribute to new businesses that open up occasionally. Some stand the test of time, while others have not. The Big Belly Deli looked promising, so we tried it out one Saturday afternoon.

While waiting for our Roman sandwiches, a man behind the counter (I’m guessing that he is the one after whom the place was named) asked Dac and me, “So, where are you guys watching the game tomorrow?” Dac and I looked at each other and Dac told him that we would not be watching the game. I was proud of him for being honest. I have to say that I usually go along with it in these situations and give the person an answer that he expects or wants to hear. In response to Dac’s answer, Mr. Big Belly said, “Oh, you have to work.” I said that “yes,” we had to work. I lied. Why do I feel that I have to do that.

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The interesting thing is that for Mr. Big Belly, the only possible reason why two 30ish men would not watch “the game” is because they couldn’t because of something like work. And I played right into it and let him believe that this was in fact the case. I am a confident person and I am comfortable with who I am and the life that I lead. Yet, there are still situations in which I feel that I have to play the role that people expect. Honestly, sometimes it’s just easier. Dac is much better at giving an honest, “No, I don’t have to work. I just don’t like football.”

So, I’m working on it. If we let everyone think that there are only professional-sports-loving people in their world, then they will never know. I mean, for the most part we just blend in with the rest of the crowd, except for what we do behind closed doors. If we “choose” a lifestyle that finds us watching reruns of the Golden Girls instead of the Pats game, we should be able to do that. I think that next time, I will tell Mr. Big Belly the truth. I can hear his response now, “That’s fine if that is the lifestyle that you choose as long as you don’t try to force it on me. But hey, I understand…I had an uncle who wasn’t into the Pats, so I’m pretty comfortable with people like you.”

Look at that. I knew that Mr. Big Belly was talking about a football game and I was able to name a team off the top of my head. Dac, on the other hand, is still wondering who Pat is.

Jos76

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