Jos76’s Blog

Thoughts and musings on life in a gay marriage.

Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

Some of my best friends

Posted by jos76 on May 31, 2008

About seven years a go, there was a new sitcom called Some of My Best Friends.  The title comes from the familiar phrase that I heard so many times in college, “Some of my best friends are gay.”  My read when hearing this was, “You don’t scare me.  I know people like you.”  The TV show starred Jason Bateman and Danny Nucci.  Jason Bateman played a character named Warren who is a twenty-something writer living in New York.  He is a writer who has just ended a relationship with his boyfriend.  While looking for a roommate, he comes across a straight, Italian guy from Brooklyn and he decides to move in.  The comedy and mayhem ensue.

The character of Warren is a normal guy for the most part, even a bit conservative.  He has a friend (played by Alec Mapa) who is his more flamboyant side-kick.  I have seen all seven (yes, seven) episodes of this sitcom.  It only lasted a few weeks.  Compared to Will and Grace, it is much better written and funnier.  So, why did Will and Grace last several years while this show was cancelled after only seven episodes?  My guess is that it is because the characters of Will and Jack represent what people think gay men are like and they believe the over-the-top, flamboyant, promiscuous lives that these characters lead.

The character of Warren, in my opinion, much more closely represents regular gay men who are looking for, or are in, a relationship.  But, people may not be ready to accept the normalcy of a gay relationship and still choose to look at gay people as a source of comic relief.  Don’t get me wrong, I think Jack and Karen are funny (the show should have been named Jack and Karen instead of Will and Grace), but this representation of gay people does not help our cause.  Unfortunately, this is all that the viewing public is ready for.  Maybe in a few years we can get another show about a “regular” gay character that lasts more than seven episodes.

Scene with Jack from Will and Grace

 Scene from Some of My Best Friends

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Posted in Friends, Fun, The Past, What's Ahead | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The game-time decision

Posted by jos76 on May 3, 2008

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Once we figured out where and when our wedding was going to take place, we had to get to work on the details.  We were very lucky to have many people help us with various aspects of the ceremony and the reception.  We decided to use two ballrooms at a Marriott hotel about twenty minutes from our house.

One of the easier projects was deciding whom to invite.  This was simple.  We did not have to worry about all those extended family members that we met once when we were seven years old.  We just invited all of our friends and family that have been supportive of our relationship.  Dac and I are very fortunate to have the support that we have, so the list grew pretty quickly.  We have both made it a priority to always work with and for people that respect us.  Now, we live in Massachusetts where it is practically illegal to disrespect our legal marriage, but we have just the same been very lucky in finding employment situations in which we do not have to hide each other.  Because of this, about half of the people that we invited were colleagues and our supervisors.

One day, just before the day when we had hoped to get all of the RSVPs back, Dac came home a little upset.  When I inquired what the problem was, he told me that one of his co-workers told him that he would not be able to attend.  This was a relatively new co-worker, but just the same one that Dac had come to know quite well and respected a great deal.  When he asked him why he couldn’t make it, he replied, “I don’t believe in gay marriage.”  This came as a total shock to Dac who did not see this coming.  If either of us had the slightest idea that someone was not supportive, he/she was not invited. 

Dac inquired further and found out that the guy was Catholic and his priest had told him that he should not attend the wedding because it was not in line with the Catholic conception of marriage.  It seemed a bit odd that this person had befriended Dac and had even asked about me several times, only to withdraw his support at the last minute, based on the advice of his priest.

Needless to say, the friendship between Dac and his co-worker was never the same.  However, there was no bad blood.  This entire situation was just a reminder to us that no matter how much support we have, we must keep a thick skin because you never know how things might turn out. 

Jos76

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If They Only Knew

Posted by jos76 on April 27, 2008

Dac and I spent the weekend away at a retreat.  There is group of people in our church (an open and affirming congregation of the United Church of Christ) who were looking for a way to get together to talk about their spirituality and to engage in fellowship.  I’m always a little hesitant with the word “fellowship.”  I guess it is because I always think of old ladies sitting around drinking tea or some kind of tent revival situation.  The only other time I hear this word is when we talk about the “fellowship hour” that follows our Sunday morning worship services.  And, I must say, there are lots of older ladies sitting around drinking tea.

But, I got a very different perspective on the idea this weekend.  We all formed a very interesting group.  It ended up being five couples and our minister.  We went to the Deering Center.  Written on the sign, as you approach it on the winding New Hampshire road, is “Christian Family Camping,  Conference and Retreat Center.”  For most gay people, it would be a scary concept to even consider pulling in.  However, Dac and I went in the fall with another group and we found that it is a very peaceful place and every person who works there (and volunteers there) embodies true Christian values. 

Among our group were three gay couples (two female and Dac and I), and two straight couples, both couples are parents and one even has several grandchildren.  We were all welcomed with open arms and had a great experience.  I had a short conversation with the owner before leaving and told him how much we love going there.  He said he was happy that we had such a great experience and told me that he wants to make sure that everyone feels welcome, regardless of where they are on their Christian Journey.

Dac and I are sad to hear how most people automatically assume that Christian=dislike of gay people.  We understand why this is since so many fundamentalist groups do in fact disagree with our relationship, but we strive to also let people know that there is a place in the Christian Church for everyone.  We have an Ichthus (the Christian fish symbol) on our car and I’m sure that when people see it they think, “they are gay haters.”  If they only knew!

Posted in Faith, Friends | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

We were moonstruck

Posted by jos76 on March 8, 2008

Meeting someone for the first time is sometimes difficult. Sometimes it’s easy. Back in November of 2000, after many emails and phone conversations that went on for hours (sometimes all night and had to end so we could go to work), Dac and I decided to meet for the first time. We had been talking for about two weeks and essentially knew everything there was to know about each other. We were not close by. Dac lived in Boston and I lived about one and a half hours away. Just the same, we talked a lot and agreed that we would meet up for the first time. The plan was for me to go into the city. I liked to do that, given that I lived on Cape Cod and it was November…the off-season.

We agreed to meet outside of a “T” (subway) station on Mass Ave (that’s local talk for Massachusetts Avenue). We had seen pictures of each other so we sort of know who we were looking for, but just to be safe we pulled out our gay genes (and jeans) and said, “I’ll be wearing a….” I drove into Boston, found a parking spot (I still don’t understand how!) and went to the Hynes Convention Center “T” station. Dac was there.

We had dinner at a small Greek restaurant nearby and then went back to Dac’s apartment to watch a movie. It was Moonstruck.

It was and is our favorite movie and we had quoted the entire movie to each other on the phone. When we got to the end of the movie, we both realized that we were experiencing something out-of-the-ordinary. “Will I ever find another guy who likes this movie so much, wants to be in a relationship, and is normal?” We had a brief conversation about whether or not we wanted to “be in a relationship with each other,” decided that we did, and have been together for over seven years since.

Dac will point out that I left out the part about the picture that I sent him. It was from my freshman year in college (I was 18) and we met when I was 24. I looked a little different (I had more hair in college). Honestly, it was the only picture I had.

Jos76

Posted in Fun, The Past | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

There are Liberals in Texas

Posted by jos76 on March 5, 2008

One of the reasons that I wanted to start this blog was to show people in other states (and perhaps even other countries around the world) that life in a legal gay marriage is nothing out of the ordinary. Sure we have to deal with politicians dismissing our relationship and contributions to our community and economy, but for the most part we lead lives that are not very different from our straight friends and family. It has been several years since gay couples were granted the right to legally marry in Massachusetts and you can ask anyone in this state..nothing has changed.

The great thing about the Internet is that you can easily reach people far away and close to home. If you read through some of the comments, you will see comments from a man in Saskatchewan, Canada (on the About page) and from a guy who lives in the same county where I live (Bandittalks). There are also comments from both my mom and Dac’s mom.

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One of the best and most surprising outcomes of these posts has been recognition from a blog in Texas called Texas Liberal. This blogger wrote about my blog so that other Liberals (and non-Liberals) in Texas could see how normal and respectful gay marriage can actually be. You can see his post HERE.

It’s great to connect with the world.

Jos76

Posted in Faith, Family, Friends, Politics, What's Ahead | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

If you really want to know..

Posted by jos76 on March 1, 2008

I stopped at Dac’s parent’s house last night on my way home from work.  Rock (Dac’s dad) has taken to calling me “blog guy” and always comments on my posts.  He had this to say about my previous post, Blue and Red Make Green:

“If you really want to know how your Republican friends feel about hot political topics, try this.  Get in a car with him/her and drive down the highway at 55 mph. ” 

(There is some planning involved and it requires the willing participation of a fox and at least 2 people-one Republican and one homosexual.  They can’t be the same person, so don’t try to save time and money by using a gay Republican, if you could even find one.  Stay with me..it will make sense.)

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“Once on a three-lane highway, drive down the middle.  Place the standing Republican in the right lane and the gay person in the left lane.  Just as the car approaches them, release a fox into the middle lane and see which way the Republican-friend-driver turns to avoid hitting the fox.”

“Then, once and for all, you will know if your friend is an animal-rights-activist.” (And find out where his/her loyalty stands.)

I don’t actually recommend doing this unless you really need to know if your friend is an animal-rights activist.  You gotta love Rock!

Jos76

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Blue and Red Make Green

Posted by jos76 on February 27, 2008

I have had a good friend for about three years who is a Republican. We worked together for two years and she is really the only person from my old job with whom I have stayed in regular contact since I began my new job about six months ago. We get along really well and we both have very similar senses of humor. This has been great. I love having a friend that totally gets my sense of humor.

It’s an election year and Massachusetts held it’s primaries on Super Tuesday along many other states. Dac and I both voted Democrat. We actually believe in many of the Republican fundamentals (like limited government, low taxes, and individual responsibility), but our relationship and certainly our marriage is not supported or respected by the Republican party. We vote Democrat because on a social level, we want to eventually have access to the over 1,000 rights that are granted only to straight married couples. The Republicans would never go for this.

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Back to my friend and former co-worker. We had dinner the other night and, as usual, we had a great time. We laughed, we joked, we talked about everything from financial advisers to job interviews. At the very end of the evening, as I was driving her home, I asked, “So who did you vote for?” She told me Romney. I’m never quite sure what to do with this sort of information. She is clearly supportive of me personally, but she votes for candidates that are completely opposed to allowing me and Dac access to the tax dollars that we pay to the government (in the form of marriage credits and Social Security). When I think about it, I guess that there are people who vote for Republicans for their own personal reasons, but may differ on social issues. I can only hope that she would in fact vote to legalize gay marriage if given the opportunity, even is she votes Republican in Presidential elections.

When I tell my gay friends and colleagues that I have Republican friends, they are shocked. I wonder if Republicans get the same reaction when they tell their fellow-Republicans that they have gay friends.

Jos76

Posted in Friends, Politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments »

It’s (broke)Back-Breaking Work (Part 1)

Posted by jos76 on February 6, 2008

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If I had to describe the people in my our lives, I would have to say that they are completely diverse. There are the grandmothers, whose combined age is 166 years old (who were both at our wedding by the way), nieces and nephews (8 in total), colleagues (doctors, nurses, teachers, musicians, board directors), and friends (from church, life, and work). We have not chosen these people on purpose, or perhaps on some level we have, but we have confidence in our country and our world when we see that all of these different types of people are not concerned with our (gay) relationship, but rather respect it.

So, did you notice that I left out our immediate families on the list of those who support us? It is not because they don’t support us, it is because Dac and my relationship and marriage are such a non-issue for both of our families. It is not something that we discuss very often, but then again we don’t talk about all of our siblings’ marriages all that often either. Our families only contribute more to the diversity of supporters in our lives.

For example, each year, Dac’s father and his two brothers (Dac’s, not dad’s) go to a ranch in North Dakota where they work with the farmhands to inoculate the cattle and round up the livestock. (Don’t you like how I use the word “inoculate” as if it is a common word that I use all the time?)

It is real back-breaking work… from what I understand. I haven’t been and don’t really have any expectation of going. I have never even seen a “western” movie or Brokeback Mountain… and we can add these guys to our list of supporters.

There are more details involved in the North Dakota trips, but I’ll have to leave you in anticipation for now. If you are truly interested in what goes on there in the meantime, you can put on your cowboy boots and your hat, and watch the DVD with Dac’s dad and brothers, the city-slickers. There is something to be said for these guys having a gay couple in the family.

Jos76

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