Jos76’s Blog

Thoughts and musings on life in a gay marriage.

Posts Tagged ‘son’

Studies have (not) shown…

Posted by jos76 on February 13, 2008

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I have two siblings, a younger sister in her twenties and a brother in his mid-thirties. The three of us could not be leading lives that are more different, yet somehow we grew up in the same house with the same parents. My brother is married (to a woman of all things) and has five children. My sister is still finding her way in life and is pretty adept at dating. I usually get the update from my mother as to who we should ask her about. Then there’s me, the well-adjusted middle child, no longer dating, no children

Dac, my partner, has two brothers, both older, both married, both with two children. Well, as of the writing of this post one of the wives is pregnant, so they have about 1.3 children. Then there’s Dac, the youngest child of the three brothers, married, no children.

Given that we have somewhat different sibling situations and that I was in the middle and Dac was the youngest, I can’t help but laugh at claims that relationships with parents (male or female) in any way contribute to “making” a kid gay. I grew up with a male and a female sibling who both grew up to be straight. Dac’s brothers grew up to marry women and soon became parents.

Both sets of our parents are very supportive of our marriage and no one (especially our parents themselves) think that our upbringing had anything to do with our sexual orientation. How could it have? We would have to actually accept the possibility that our parents had specifically different relationships with each of their children, so different that it influenced their sexual orientations. For anyone who understands the demands and time commitment required to parent even one child, he/she would clearly understand how ridiculous it would be to even try to do it two or three different ways. Who would have time to make sure that their kid is gay?

Jos76

Posted in Family, The Past, What's Ahead | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

My three sons

Posted by jos76 on January 19, 2008

I truly believe that our healthy gay marriage/relationship/existence has a lot to do with our parents.  Once they clearly expressed their feelings of acceptance, others followed their lead, especially given their respected roles in the family.  I understand that not every gay person has this privilege.  However,  I can’t underestimate how important it has been for us to have parents who take their parenting responsibilities seriously and support Dac and me in our mutually-supportive relationship

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A great example of this came about one day a few years back when I went to meet Dac’s father at his office.  I went into the large engineering firm, went up to the receptionist in the lobby and asked her to call up and let Dac’s dad know that I was there.  She asked who she should say was here. I said, “his son-in-law.”  She called, got his assistant and let him know to pass on the message. 

My father-in-law told me when he came down that his young male assistant said to him, “Your son-in-law is downstairs.  I thought you had three sons.  I didn’t know you had a daughter.”  To which he replied without a second thought, “I don’t have a daughter, but I do have a son-in-law.” 

Another unsuspecting person unwittingly influenced by those who support us the most.  And if the boss says it’s okay, it’s okay.

Jos76

Posted in Family, Friends, The Past | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »