Jos76’s Blog

Thoughts and musings on life in a gay marriage.

Posts Tagged ‘Wedding’

Working from the Inside

Posted by jos76 on June 7, 2008

Now that Obama is the Democratic nominee for President in the November election, I have begun to compare McCain and Obama on “the issues.” I have not yet decided who to vote for. I never thought that I would be in a position to actually vote Republican. I guess that I have been a single issue voter in the past and voted for the the Democrat because he was also more pro-gay, regardless of his stance on other issues facing the country.

I’ve become quit interested in the Log Cabin Republicans recently and I am impressed with the work that they do. The Log Cabin Republicans are the nation’s only organization of Republicans who support fairness, freedom, and equality for gay and lesbian Americans.

As I have looked into this group further, I discovered that they are working to change the Republican party ideology so that it remains fiscally conservative instead of socially conservative, which has nothing to do with the origins of the Republican Party. The name goes back to Lincoln’s presidency, thus the reference to the log cabin. The work that they do rivals that of GLAAD, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, and the HRC. The difference is that the LCR work from within the party, rather than from the outside. This is bold and brave work in my opinion.

Many might see this as self-hating or internalized homophobia, but I do not. This is a group that believes in the fundamentals of the Republican Party, such as individual responsibility, lower taxes, a strong national defense, limited government, free markets, and individual liberty. When you take the (new) socially conservative ideology out of the picture, this makes sense…at least to me. The LCR works from the inside, using the language of the party.

Log Cabin Commercial with Cheney

Log Cabin Commercial with Reagan

This does not mean that McCain will get my vote because he does not have a great record of supporting gay people (actually, he has a bad record). Civil Unions are the way to go in my opinion and McCain may have indicated that he is supportive, but it is unsure. I’m just thankful that the LCR is helping to make this a non-issue when voting. They are working to see to it that one day all Americans will be able to vote based on the quality of the candidate rather than on whether he/she (the voter) will lose or gain rights as a result of the election.

Jos76

Posted in Politics, What's Ahead | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

Some of my best friends

Posted by jos76 on May 31, 2008

About seven years a go, there was a new sitcom called Some of My Best Friends.  The title comes from the familiar phrase that I heard so many times in college, “Some of my best friends are gay.”  My read when hearing this was, “You don’t scare me.  I know people like you.”  The TV show starred Jason Bateman and Danny Nucci.  Jason Bateman played a character named Warren who is a twenty-something writer living in New York.  He is a writer who has just ended a relationship with his boyfriend.  While looking for a roommate, he comes across a straight, Italian guy from Brooklyn and he decides to move in.  The comedy and mayhem ensue.

The character of Warren is a normal guy for the most part, even a bit conservative.  He has a friend (played by Alec Mapa) who is his more flamboyant side-kick.  I have seen all seven (yes, seven) episodes of this sitcom.  It only lasted a few weeks.  Compared to Will and Grace, it is much better written and funnier.  So, why did Will and Grace last several years while this show was cancelled after only seven episodes?  My guess is that it is because the characters of Will and Jack represent what people think gay men are like and they believe the over-the-top, flamboyant, promiscuous lives that these characters lead.

The character of Warren, in my opinion, much more closely represents regular gay men who are looking for, or are in, a relationship.  But, people may not be ready to accept the normalcy of a gay relationship and still choose to look at gay people as a source of comic relief.  Don’t get me wrong, I think Jack and Karen are funny (the show should have been named Jack and Karen instead of Will and Grace), but this representation of gay people does not help our cause.  Unfortunately, this is all that the viewing public is ready for.  Maybe in a few years we can get another show about a “regular” gay character that lasts more than seven episodes.

Scene with Jack from Will and Grace

 Scene from Some of My Best Friends

Posted in Friends, Fun, The Past, What's Ahead | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

What’s the Dividend on a 1st Grader?

Posted by jos76 on April 12, 2008

I consider myself lucky because I like my job. I have been teaching for 11 years in both public and independent schools. Dac had a conversation with a friend recently about ideal jobs and job satisfaction. Dac is a musician by passion and “works” in a hospital. He definitely gets passionate about particular events, but if he had his way, he would be involved in music all the time.

Their conversation turned hypothetical and Dac and Jessy (an amazing musician as well) discussed what they would do if salary were no object and they could do whatever they wanted. Dac would be an instrument maker and Jessy would most like buy the instruments that he makes. Me, well, this is interesting. Dac told Jessy that if I had my choice, and salary was in no way important because I would be independently wealthy, I would still get up tomorrow and be a teacher. I have to agree with that.

Sometimes I think about other careers, like finance. Dac thinks I’m crazy because I enjoy checking stocks, calculating interest, and forecasting dividends. I love watching Mad Money and Suze Orman. What can I say, I’m fascinated by the stuff. I’m not ready to drop the lesson plans and become a day trader tomorrow, but it might be fun to try someday.

Suze Orman

Suze Orman

Stocks, bonds, mutual funds, EFTs, options, 403(b)s, limit orders, and market orders…what fun! My 1st graders are fun too, but the dividends are much different, maybe a few cool drawings and an occasional “you’re bald like my dad!” Priceless.

Jos76

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We were moonstruck

Posted by jos76 on March 8, 2008

Meeting someone for the first time is sometimes difficult. Sometimes it’s easy. Back in November of 2000, after many emails and phone conversations that went on for hours (sometimes all night and had to end so we could go to work), Dac and I decided to meet for the first time. We had been talking for about two weeks and essentially knew everything there was to know about each other. We were not close by. Dac lived in Boston and I lived about one and a half hours away. Just the same, we talked a lot and agreed that we would meet up for the first time. The plan was for me to go into the city. I liked to do that, given that I lived on Cape Cod and it was November…the off-season.

We agreed to meet outside of a “T” (subway) station on Mass Ave (that’s local talk for Massachusetts Avenue). We had seen pictures of each other so we sort of know who we were looking for, but just to be safe we pulled out our gay genes (and jeans) and said, “I’ll be wearing a….” I drove into Boston, found a parking spot (I still don’t understand how!) and went to the Hynes Convention Center “T” station. Dac was there.

We had dinner at a small Greek restaurant nearby and then went back to Dac’s apartment to watch a movie. It was Moonstruck.

It was and is our favorite movie and we had quoted the entire movie to each other on the phone. When we got to the end of the movie, we both realized that we were experiencing something out-of-the-ordinary. “Will I ever find another guy who likes this movie so much, wants to be in a relationship, and is normal?” We had a brief conversation about whether or not we wanted to “be in a relationship with each other,” decided that we did, and have been together for over seven years since.

Dac will point out that I left out the part about the picture that I sent him. It was from my freshman year in college (I was 18) and we met when I was 24. I looked a little different (I had more hair in college). Honestly, it was the only picture I had.

Jos76

Posted in Fun, The Past | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

The Best of Intentions

Posted by jos76 on February 16, 2008

We had just dropped a friend off and were heading for Dac’s parents’ house. It was the first time I was going to meet his parents. We pulled up to their driveway and before we got out, Dac said, “Don’t worry about it. It will be fine.” Though he was out to his parents, he had never introduced them to someone he was dating. I got out of the car and headed up the stairs to the front door. I don’t remember if Dac had a key or if we rang the doorbell, but somehow we ended up on the inside. I shook Dac’s father’s hand (from now on referred to as Rock, per his request). I kissed his mother on the cheek. The hard part was over, or so I thought.

men_s_suit.jpg

Rock had not changed out of his corporate garb, so he looked rather formal sitting there in the living room. Dac’s mom was sizing me up a little bit. After all, Dac is the baby of the family and she needed to protect him. As we sat there I waited for one of them to ask, “So what are you intentions with our boy?” But, that sort of question never came. Rather there was another question asking me to join them at their house on Christmas evening, where I would have the chance to meet the rest of the family! I graciously accepted. Dac and I had only known each other for a few weeks and it was getting serious fast, but everything worked out great. 

Dac first met my mother in the parking lot of a Bed Bath and Beyond of all places, where we had happened to meet up while out shopping. He later met the rest of my family when we went out to dinner one night (I think that it was Bugaboo Creek or the Outback.) Dac later met my brother and his wife and their kids when we went to their house for dinner one night

First meetings always give opportunities for good memories. I will never forget sitting in Rock’s living-room contemplating what my intentions were with their son, just in case they asked.

Jos76

Posted in Family, Fun | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Studies have (not) shown…

Posted by jos76 on February 13, 2008

dna1.jpg

I have two siblings, a younger sister in her twenties and a brother in his mid-thirties. The three of us could not be leading lives that are more different, yet somehow we grew up in the same house with the same parents. My brother is married (to a woman of all things) and has five children. My sister is still finding her way in life and is pretty adept at dating. I usually get the update from my mother as to who we should ask her about. Then there’s me, the well-adjusted middle child, no longer dating, no children

Dac, my partner, has two brothers, both older, both married, both with two children. Well, as of the writing of this post one of the wives is pregnant, so they have about 1.3 children. Then there’s Dac, the youngest child of the three brothers, married, no children.

Given that we have somewhat different sibling situations and that I was in the middle and Dac was the youngest, I can’t help but laugh at claims that relationships with parents (male or female) in any way contribute to “making” a kid gay. I grew up with a male and a female sibling who both grew up to be straight. Dac’s brothers grew up to marry women and soon became parents.

Both sets of our parents are very supportive of our marriage and no one (especially our parents themselves) think that our upbringing had anything to do with our sexual orientation. How could it have? We would have to actually accept the possibility that our parents had specifically different relationships with each of their children, so different that it influenced their sexual orientations. For anyone who understands the demands and time commitment required to parent even one child, he/she would clearly understand how ridiculous it would be to even try to do it two or three different ways. Who would have time to make sure that their kid is gay?

Jos76

Posted in Family, The Past, What's Ahead | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »

It’s (broke)Back-Breaking Work (Part 2)

Posted by jos76 on February 9, 2008

There are times when you just need to get away, to try something new, to experience something that is out of the ordinary.  Dac is a musician and I’m always amazed at how he can throw himself into a new musical instrument or style of playing.  For him, music is his way of getting away, trying something new, and experiencing something out of the ordinary.

music-notes.gif

Dac plays viola, cello, and violin.  He is now trying out the guitar and the ukulele (you know, for a change).  His music is what makes him happy and it gives him something to look forward to.  I know that when he is on the train coming home from work he is day-dreaming about learning a new chord.

Dac’s father and his two brothers (Dac’s, not dad’s) take their yearly trip to North Dakota as their way of getting away, trying something new, and experiencing something different.  We all joke with them about their trip and being real “cowboys” (I was scolded for referring to them as farmhands in the earlier post), but I think that having an opportunity to retreat from your everyday life once in a while is necessary and commendable. 

For some people it might be getting caught up in a good book, for others it might be a sport, and for some people it might involve the inoculation of cattle in several feet of manure ….the point is, taking a retreat from time to time gives us an opportunity to rejuvenate our mind, spirit, and body.  My retreat is writing these posts and I am lucky enough to have people in my life that are interesting and give me something to write about.

Yippie Yi Yo Kayee…or whatever it is that cowboys say these days.

Jos76

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It’s (broke)Back-Breaking Work (Part 1)

Posted by jos76 on February 6, 2008

krrvcowsnpond.jpg

If I had to describe the people in my our lives, I would have to say that they are completely diverse. There are the grandmothers, whose combined age is 166 years old (who were both at our wedding by the way), nieces and nephews (8 in total), colleagues (doctors, nurses, teachers, musicians, board directors), and friends (from church, life, and work). We have not chosen these people on purpose, or perhaps on some level we have, but we have confidence in our country and our world when we see that all of these different types of people are not concerned with our (gay) relationship, but rather respect it.

So, did you notice that I left out our immediate families on the list of those who support us? It is not because they don’t support us, it is because Dac and my relationship and marriage are such a non-issue for both of our families. It is not something that we discuss very often, but then again we don’t talk about all of our siblings’ marriages all that often either. Our families only contribute more to the diversity of supporters in our lives.

For example, each year, Dac’s father and his two brothers (Dac’s, not dad’s) go to a ranch in North Dakota where they work with the farmhands to inoculate the cattle and round up the livestock. (Don’t you like how I use the word “inoculate” as if it is a common word that I use all the time?)

It is real back-breaking work… from what I understand. I haven’t been and don’t really have any expectation of going. I have never even seen a “western” movie or Brokeback Mountain… and we can add these guys to our list of supporters.

There are more details involved in the North Dakota trips, but I’ll have to leave you in anticipation for now. If you are truly interested in what goes on there in the meantime, you can put on your cowboy boots and your hat, and watch the DVD with Dac’s dad and brothers, the city-slickers. There is something to be said for these guys having a gay couple in the family.

Jos76

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